Happy New Year You Jerks.

Oh come on, you too? Don't you people have families or anything? It's my holiday vacation! That's Summer vacation by the way. You people at the Northern Hemisphere have fun with your weird weather patterns.

Tumblr.

I know this word is illegal here in Blogspot, but I just wanted everyone to know that I've tried this and it is not in fact illegal, well, aside from some copyright issues, Tumblr is quite ALRIGHT. So yeah, but I still love Blogspot no matter what. Alright then, thanks.

Dane Reviews: Dragon Age: Origins.

The hype about Dragon Age: Origins quickly overrun my head with the word "Dragon". So when I bought and played the game I was greatly unaware of the fact that there are NO DRAGONS. Which is quite awkward since the name of the game is DRAGON AGE: ORIGINS. I at least suspected that the game was like Divinity 2, which in the game, you turn into dragons. But alas, the only dragon I saw in Dwagwon Age: Origins was that of a cut scene, which I think was called the "Wartmage" or something. Seeing that there were no dragons in Barney Age: Gayigins, I quickly closed the game and never touched it for at least 4 hours. And by that time, I was already doing the incredibly long and hard main quest of Cookie Age: Elmogins. Which, to no surprise, is extremely DIFFICULT WHATEVER YOU DO.

Dragon Age: Origins is named as the "Ultimate RPG of all time", I do support this theory because this is the only good RPG I've ever played aside from Oblivion, if it even has the right to be called an RPG. Does it even have the right to be called a game? Dragon Age: Origins, from a 3rd person view, can quickly turn into the top view like in the RTS's. So hooray, Dragon Age is the best game because it's 3rd person and an RTS. Not exactly.

Let me tell you of the time I first played Dragon Age: Origins. Though it looked pathetic from the box art, the cut scenes are well enough to be turned into a movie. Though the "Choice picking" thing is very stupid, annoying, and shitty, Dragon Age's acting characters are not as quite repetitive unlike many other games. And yes, there are no easy choices, since every choice you make will end up making you become friends with a group of bandits, or getting your head chopped by soldiers just by saying to the king "I don't want to be your friend, human lord".

It's been the 4th paragraph and I haven't even told you about the games stupid fight controls, the game's stupid camera angles, and most of all, the game's stupid plot. If you're a Dragon Age player and made it to the last part of the Battle of Ostogar, don't you think it's quite stupid that the humans still lost to the Darkspawn? Seriously, I was given 4 characters and they easily killed off at least a HUNDRED of those shitty assholes. And yet, when a THOUSAND ASSHOLES face off another THOUSAND OF MUCH UGLIER ASSHOLES, you come to conclusion that YOU WILL WIN. But NOOOOOOOO, STUPID BIOWARE WANTS OUR HEARTS TO BREAK BY PLAYING 80 HOURS OF PURE UNBEATABLE GAMEPLAY.

Though each race starts off from different perspectives, you will still go to the main plot eventually. Many people don't know it, but Gaga Age: Gagogins is actually very linear. Really, understand the game for once.

Merry Christmas.

After carefully analyzing that Justin Bieber said "One Time" over and over for 24 times, I am pleased to announce that I now feel this "Christmas Spirit" of which you speak. Which is no surprise since today really is Christmas. Yet I am sad to say that the fat cheeky fellow who wears a red suit and has a white beard did not give me my wish of having...well...uhm...that's a secret. But don't lose hope if you didn't get your wish this Christmas, because there is always a way. What I mean is go to the North Pole and kick Santa's ass for not giving you your wish! That's the spirit ain't it? Now, go have fun with your family you strange person.

Merry Christmas,

- Dane

Something to remind to people like you.

December 25 is almost here and I can't shake the feeling that the fat bastard with the white beard called Santa put me in his "non-nice" list. Which would sound ridiculous if not for the fact that I've been playing Modern Warfare 2 and it's controversial mission. Yes, the mission where you undeniably kill innocent chickens. Indeed I was shocked when the game gave me a gun and a place full of chickens with the objectives "Escape while killing all the chickens". I am quite angry at Activision and Infinty Ward for making me kill innocent chickens with a grenade and an Uzi while looking helplessly doing nothing but aim and clicking the mouse. Now, where was I again? Oh yes, Christmas.

The Christmas spirit, also known as the Ronald McDonald Kiddie Meal aftertaste, is always taller and always higher than our heads, so I advise you to NOT sniff anymore drugs you have before the date December 25. A few more important safety reminde- That reminds me. People, do NOT buy The Amazing Live Sea Monkeys. I know deep inside everyone is a special place where we all love and adore Sea Monkeys but this is absolutely a giant scam. So, you have been advised.

I would LOVE to discuss to you more Christmas tips, but sadly, something just came up. I WILL ALWAYS AND FOREVER REGRET DECEMBER 22. FOREVER........!!!!!!!!!!!

Hitch.

Anyone of you guys know the movie Hitch? No, not Hitcher, that's a mother effin suspense. I'm talking about the comedy starring Will Smith and Eva Mendes. Well, I always knew this movie, but I really never had a chance to take a closer look at the movie until just know.

In the movie, Eva Mendes said "Relationships are for people who wait for something good to happen." That is not true Ms. Mendes. The movie suggests that she's an OPTIMISTIC and WORKAHOLIC person, so that's why she gets GOOD RELATIONSHIPS. Seriously, the whole movie was based on deceiving and being deceived. Especially the story of Hitch himself, he loved this girl but the girl cheats on him and that's where the "Date Doctor" business started. If Americans think that love is like that, then they must be more stupid than a wild carnivorous cow that eats lions and tigers.

Seriously, I would never deceive Plender to gain her love. Never. Unless I become so desperate, something we all know could happen.

Another Hole Without a Cover.

It is a sad time for gaming dear readers. Pandemic Studios, maker of the fun games Star Wars Battlefront, Mercenaries, Destroy All Humans, and Lord of the Rings: Conquest, has officially closed down. It is tragic, yes. Everyone loved their games, everyone loved them. This is what happens when a gaming studio is bought by one of the most evil gaming companies ever to have been created, EA. And now, let us give our hearts to the staff that made us great games. I am great full to Pandemic. I am great full to Westwood. And I am great full to those gaming studios who were closed down by mother fucking EA.

We love you Pandemic.
We will miss you.

Pandemic's new game, The Saboteur, will be in stores on December 8. Please buy it in honor of Pandemic. May they live in gaming history forever.